How Your Level of Self Care is Linked to Why Your Child May Refuse Contact
“When we form heart-centred beliefs within our bodies, in the language of physics we’re creating the electrical and magnetic expression of them as waves of energy, which aren’t confined to our hearts or limited by the physical barrier of our skin and bones. So clearly, we are speaking to the world around us in each moment of every day through a language that has no words; the belief-waves of our hearts”, Gregg Braden.
1. Do our thoughts and emotions affect others in our presence?
2. If so, does this explain why children may refuse contact with a parent?
A holistic approach to law practice means addressing the ‘invisible’ as well as the visible. A common issue to be resolved upon Separation or Divorce, are the arrangements for contact with children. When parents separate, whilst they will at some stage, be an ‘ex’ husband, or an ‘ex’ wife, or simply be referred to as the ‘ex’ (some more affectionately than others!), they will always be mum and dad (or mum and mum/ dad and dad in same sex couples).
That is, your separation does not mean you become an ‘ex-mum’ or ‘ex-dad’. You are not ‘ex-parents’!
In fact, whilst you may initially believe that the relationship with your ‘ex’ will only be for the duration of your child’s childhood, along the road, your 5-year-old son or daughter may become a parent themselves and then come the grandchildren. Contact with the grandchildren will be shared, not only with your ‘ex’ but with any new partner. So the relationship with your ‘ex’ (if you have children) most likely may, after all, last ‘til death do us part’, at least in this regard.
Upon separation, there is a lot going on at a mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual level. Being awake to what exactly is going on with you and with your child at all these levels, is key to understanding the transformation of relationships between you and your ‘ex’, you and your child and your ‘ex’ and your child.
Depending on the level of acrimony on Separation and Divorce, it is likely that the balance and harmony of your energy field may be negatively affected and out of alignment. Energy blocks may consequently appear in your aura/ energy field. This may affect you negatively in all other states- mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual.
It is normal to be fearful of the future, worried about your child, you may be suffering financially, or about to move away from what was once the family home, and so on.
You may be angry at your ex’s deceit and infidelity, feel broken and cheated.
You may still be in shock at an unexpected abandonment.
Whatever fears, pain, and trauma you suffered may manifest from the heart centre outwards impacting your and your child’s mental health and well-being. This is why looking after yourself is of upmost importance. Your healing and recovery must be a priority. Adopt a ‘whatever it takes’ attitude and invest the time, effort, and energy required for this. If you are unwell, your child will be unwell. If you are well, your child will be well. It’s really that simple.
Gregg Braden refers to the ‘belief waves of our heart,’ which extend beyond our physical body. I understand ‘waves’ as vibrations. You may have experienced entering into a space and feeling uncomfortable or bad ‘vibes’ (vibrations) and had to leave; or conversely, felt comfortable and good ‘vibes’ and a sense of welcoming and wellbeing. If the electromagnetic field carries all our emotions, positive and negative, our moods, feelings, attitudes, and beliefs, whether or not we are conscious of this, affecting those in our environment; could this be a reason why a child may refuse contact with a parent?
When your child’s electromagnetic field gets ‘mixed up’ with yours and your ex’s, the significance of this is that your and your ex’s negative (as well as positive) moods, feelings and attitudes are ‘imprinted’ into your child’s own electromagnetic field. The information (i.e., your and your ‘ex’s’ worries, pain, fears, and anger) is passed onto and into your child’s electromagnetic field affecting their mental health and well-being. This may result in behavioural changes in your child who may respond to the feelings of threat or danger you are unconsciously emitting by: fighting (showing up as rebelliousness to feel strong and protected); freezing (withdrawn and disassociation from the body); flight (showing up as protection by escaping as a way of evading their pain), or fawn (pleasing others to keep safe which can show up as manipulation).
If your child’s behaviour at home or school has changed since your Separation or Divorce; or if your child refuses to have contact with your ‘ex’, do question whether you and/ or your ‘ex’ are intentionally or unintentionally alienating your child from each other, or somehow responsible for this outcome in the physical plain. Consider very carefully and honestly, whether any responsibility lies with your own negative thoughts, emotions, feelings, words, and actions about and around your ‘ex’ directly to the child, or in their presence, when your electro-magnetic fields are merging? If so, it may be time to acknowledge this and take time to self-care and heal old wounds of the past which are conditioning your and your child’s present life experience. Learn the tools to connect with and harness your powerful, positive energy within, from your heart, transforming your heart-centred beliefs into waves of forgiveness, compassion, empathy, non-judgment, joy and unconditional love.
Ultimately, work on bringing yourself to the space you would wish your child to be immersed in mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually; for your own mental health and wellbeing and theirs, so you can thrive and flourish as a family moving forward into your next life chapters.
Affirmation: If I am happy and well, my child can be happy and well.
Top Tip: Take care of you first. Self care is not selfish; it is the best gift you can give yourself, your children, and others.
YouTube: Jada Pinkett-Smith